Wall Street – A Wall Street hedge fund hero is proposing that the U.S. Government needs to cut social security immediately and buy back stocks. “Why are we spending money on social security paychecks every month during this dire period? We need to slash social security to zero and use the savings to buy back stocks.” The Wall Street hero says cutting social security and using the proceeds to buy stocks will have an immediate effect of propping up the stock market and increasing valuations. “All of these old people are going to pass away anyways. It is time we cut their social security paychecks and bail Wall Street out of this mess.” The proposal has gained wide recognition on Wall Street with over 1.5 million people signing the petition. “You want DOW 50,000 hats or what,” the Wall Street hero says. “This is our chance to return to excessive valuations and hit our bonus targets for the year.” In other news, a farmer claims a pile of horse poop in his back yard is worth more than the entire U.S. Shale Industry.