Finally, some uplifting news. Richard Hydes, the CEO of a Santa Monica-based venture capital firm, has announced that he will be letting the top-performing member of his cleaning staff, Maria Valdez, use his private jet to travel between his various houses. Heroic solutions like these are exactly what America needs to mitigate the spread of coronavirus. 

This begs the question: why is it necessary to fly a maid between houses at all? It seems idiotic, right? Wrong. Richard explains his reasoning, “I run my households like I run my business. Maria is a senior MD (maid director), so she doesn’t actually do any cleaning herself. She flies around to my various estates to manage the cleaning staff. Her input is invaluable so she gets paid ten times as much as an associate maid. If you aren’t a genius CEO, you probably don’t get it.” 

Maria has already flown the jet 8 times between Richard’s houses in Santa Monica, Puerta Vallarta, Paris, and the Hamptons. “I even let her fly to Mexico and visit her family,” Richard said proudly, “I treat my hardest workers right.”

“I’m not from Mexico,” says Maria, “I’m from Vermont. But Richard insisted I visited my family in Mexico, so I did get shitfaced in Cabo for a couple weekends on his dime.” 

Richard’s kind act should be an inspiration for high level executives everywhere. “I may not always show it. But I am truly invested in the growth and safety of all my employees.” 

That’s right – Richard Hydes is not a shower, he’s a grower – and America needs growers in times like these. Kudos.