Kidnap Michigan Governor

An attempt to overthrow the Michigan government was botched this evening as FBI agents arrested 13 members of the “Wolverine Watchmen”.  The 13 members of the Wolverine Watchmen were arrested for conspiracy, terrorists attack and an attempt to kidnap the Michigan Governor.  The 13 men are now in custody of law enforcement.

The FBI patted themselves on the back for botching the plan to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer at her vacation house.  According to FBI agents, the plan was to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer and force her to watch 10,000 hours of Jim Cramer screaming at the stock market.

The FBI quoted the accused saying, “Whitmer has no checks or balances when it comes to her Robinhood trading account.  She has dumped the entire Michigan budget into OTM Calls and has even begun selling Flint Water to the poors so she can buy more stocks.  To teach her a lesson we planned to kidnap her and force her to watch 10,000 hours of Jim Cramer screaming.  

The 13 arrested members of the Wolverine Watchmen planned to drive to Illinois and the remaining leftist states with unhealthy balance sheets and perform the same act.  “I feel it is our duty as American citizens to force politicians to watch Jim Cramer screaming if they screw up the state budget,” Brandon Caserta, the ring leader of the group stated.


The FBI has been tracking the militia group since March after a local police department learned the group was pumping penny stocks in a discord group with Stan the Trading Man.

“I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy to watch 10,000 hours of Jim Cramer screaming,” an FBI agent stated.  “I’d rather get my nuts caught in a meat grinder.”