Inferno – It’s no secret, parents are having a harder time connecting with their children these days. Social Scientists blame technology such as smart phones – creating the ever-widening barrier of real human love vs. love of the screen. Other smart people just think kids are dumb – which we wholly agree with – fucking kids.

But there is a new study that says smoking crack (yes crack cocaine) with your children is a great way to create a lasting bond with your kids.

Renowned family therapist, Aileen Wuornos, says smoking crack with your children can create an impactful long-term relationship between yourself and your kids. Specifically, Wuornos states, “smoking crack with your kids on a regular basis will force your kids to become more dependent on you, with a real, long-term addiction”. Furthermore, crack is one hell of a drug – at least in our staff’s honest opinion.

Having your child smoke crack will not only lead to a long-term addiction and dependent relationship, but it will also teach your children lasting life skills that are not taught in a classroom setting. For an example, it will teach a child how to hustle for money. When you are addicted to crack you will do anything for money. This is not only a great way to teach children how to make money, but it will also get them out of the house and on the streets where they belong.

In the office this morning we came up with countless reasons why you should smoke crack with your children. Here is a brief list:

  1. Crackhead kids don’t eat as much – less money you need to spend on groceries.
  2. Once your kid is addicted to crack it is much easier to get them to do chores. “Hey Billy, I’ll let you hit this fat rock if you do the garbage”. “Ok mama”.
  3. Family pictures will get more interesting.
  4. Crack addiction is a great way to fight childhood obesity.
  5. Smoking crack at a young age stunts growth – goodbye new clothes shopping.
  6. Bragging rights. “My child is the star quarterback for his junior football team”. “Oh yeah, my kid is a seasoned crackhead”.


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