Consumers begin eating dogs as inflation sets in

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Corn, soybeans and coffee have all rebounded from decade lows and are beginning to show signs of hyperinflation due the devaluation of the dollar.  And as inflation begins to set in from the massive COVID-19 pandemic bailouts, consumers turn to drastic measures: eating dogs.

The decision to begin eating dogs began at a recent nursing home press conference. During the conference, retired Federal Reserve President, William C. Dudley, had a break in his cerebral senility. Dudley came to the conclusion that people can’t eat iPads and instead should begin eating dogs.

With Dudley’s new stroke of cognition to help impoverished individuals, the United States has fostered the new slogan “Adopt don’t shop”.

And consumers are taking this message seriously.  Across the nation free canine stock has been depleted.  Even worse, shelters, pounds, and the Tijuana streets cannot keep up with the voracious demand.

To offset the demand, producers have started selling more exotic consumables such as horse, marmots, reptiles, and will be soon be moving to invertebrates.

CEO of Hedgeye, Keith McCullough stated, “our team is bullish in all commodities which we now label as running, swimming and crawling.  Anything with four legs should be a large portion of your portfolio.”  

When interviewed Keith said “If it runs, swims, flies or squirms consumers are ready to eat.”



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