Energy Transfer LP Tweets Out Seeking Alpha Article Written by Kindergartners


Twitter – Energy Transfer LP (“ET” or “the Company”), a natural gas midstream and intrastate transportation and storage company with one of the most confusing and idiotic capital structures known to man – recently tweeted out Seeking Alpha analysis written by a group of kindergartners. 

“We decided to let a group of our most intelligent kindergartners try their hand at Seeking Alpha,” schoolteacher Katie Wilson stated.  “None of us know anything about the stock market.  But apparently this Seeking Alpha site allows anyone to write.”

Seeking Alpha is a crowd-sourced content service for the financial markets.  Articles and research cover a broad range of topics including stocks, bonds, ETFs and other related investment strategies.  All the content on the site is generated by individual contributors who range from a variety of  backgrounds including former buyside analysts, sell side analysts, high schoolers and now kindergarteners.

“These are the most gifted of our kindergartners,” Katie Wilson, schoolteacher, said smiling.  “Little Susie here, our lead analyst, learned how to count to 10 today.  Brian, our junior analyst, only cries for his mommy a couple of times a day.”

Katie Wilson has been teaching gifted kindergartners at Sherwood Elementary for the past ten years.  “These kids are really special,” Katie said.  “Their intellectual curiosity surprises me every day.”

Katie decided to test her kindergarteners intellectual superiority by having them write up a stock pick on the website Seeking Alpha.  “We picked Energy Transfer LP because Susie’s favorite letter is ‘e’ and Brian’s favorite letter is ‘t’.  After my students wrote the article up, I submitted it to Seeking Alpha and it was published in mere minutes.”

The article on Energy Transfer LP contains next level analysis.  There is a few squiggly lines Katie drew on some paper which shows the potential demand Energy Transfer might have.  Brian even bashed his hand a few times on the keyboard spelling out a slur of words that really mean nothing.  But what happened next surprised the Kindergartner class.

“We were Tweeted out by Energy Transfer LP on Twitter,” Katie said with a big grin on her face. 

When Energy Transfer Tweeted out Katie’s kindergartener’s article, she was ecstatic.  “We had a pizza party and had recess twice that day.  I am so proud of my kids.”

A tweet from a public company is a rare thing on Wall Street.  Many think the act of tweeting kindergartner level analysis should be banned. 

Rumors on the street suggest that Energy Transfer tweeted out the article because their stock was down over 9% in the last three days – and the tweet was a move to pump the stock back up.  But Katie isn’t convinced.

“I truly think my kids did an excellent job writing that next level analysis.  I took a read through the annual report of Energy Transfer and literally have no idea where cash flows go given the screwed-up capital structure.  My kids took their best stab at it and killed it.  The CFA Society even called saying they are giving  honorary CFA certificates to my students.”

Energy Transfer’s stock has fallen to multi-year lows but bag-holders continue to hold because, “you only lose when you sell” and also because Energy Transfer has a thicc ‘dividend’ yield.

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