Jay Clayton

Sarbanes Coxley Act of 2020 (COX) The Trump Administration, Jay Clayton, the SEC and, ultimately, Congress have all worked together to restore investor confidence and trust that were shattered by the scandals that came to light in the 2020 “dickening debacle”.

Henceforth, Jay Clayton, SEC chairman has stated that it is legal to offer investors or the Securities and Exchange Commission the performance of fellatio but not the consumption of a “male member” as it would be a material misstatement.

This new act was unanimous passed by a bi-partisan congress via a Zoom call from their respective beach houses, which stemmed from the recent scandal where American computer programmer and now failing businessman, John McAfee, made material claims which are tantamount to a pump and dump of cryptocurrencies.

McAfee claimed that a certain cryptocurrency would reach the stratospheric price of $1Million dollars or he would consume his own male member on national television.

Sadly, for McAfee, he has since been arrested for his claims and will unfortunately be forced to consume his member against his own will in prison by his 300-pound cellmate and former blood leader, Junior.

McAfee’s defense attorneys claimed that pseudo scientist and engineer, Elon Musk, made similar misstatements when he told the SEC to quote “SEC, three letter acronym, middle word is Elon’s”.

Unfortunately for McAfee, feasting has been found to be a violation of the new act while imbibing in any manner is encouraged.

Going forward, the Sarbanes Coxley Act of 2020 (SCOX) will be in affect and all CEOs will be required to annually attest to some direction of fellation of investors or the SEC at least annually or face similar consequences to McAfee.