Jim Cramer’s last Hoorah!


A disheveled Jim Cramer looked up at the producer and director, after his globally renowned MAD MONEY show was done, and just said “Are we done here?”

He clearly just had left all his mental and physical energy with his audience. The whole crew cheered as they had thought he had done the best he was capable of in such troubling times. But Cramer, in his infinite wisdom knew it just wasn’t enough. People would be calling, texting, zooming, skyping, facebooking, tweeting, and even trolling him just to get answers.

He just was done, he was tired, he just looked down at the studio floor and then looked up at everyone and told them all, “I can’t keep doing this, I think I’m done”.

A somber cloud full of melancholy tears were seen on Jim’s crew. The crew quickly fell to their knees because they knew if Jim stopped doing the show the gravy train was over – their meal ticket would be torn up.

Some sobbed quietly. Others hid the sadness but felt pain in areas they didn’t know existed before. Everyone knew deep down Cramer was getting older and it wasn’t going to last forever.

The crew also had witnessed the soul sucking mess he had become during the last crisis. They all knew that next time would be even worse. Jim’s friends were now in the Whitehouse and they wouldn’t stop calling. Even the President had been on the phone to tell Jim to use more BOOYAH’s or Machine Gun sound effects to make sure the American public knew they needed to buy stocks and keep the MAGA train going.

But Jim was just done. He started sweating profusely and grinding his teeth while murmuring something under his breath about the free market and that damn Greenspan.

Cindy, who had worked for Jim during the last financial crises noticed it first.  “I screamed to the crew to quickly get him his medicine and hit the BOOYAH sound effect ten times!”

An elixir of unknown concoction was brought out to the visibly shaken and now stammering Cramer.  Jim took the elixir from the unidentified crew member and just said, “YOLO” as he took a big swig as someone pressed the BOOYAH button ten times.

A few minutes passed.  Jim stared blankly at a flashing ticker symbol on his computer screen for what seemed like ages.  Jim’s face look worn down.  A man who has seen one too many financial crises in his lifetime. Then Jim looked up at the crew.

A fire in Jim’s eyes burned.  Like a Thor God of Thunder getting back his famed hammer Mjolnir in the middle of a battle. Fire burned in Jim’s eyes.  Sweat poured profusely down his bald head.  The crew members stood back in awe at their boss – their indentured master.

Jim rolled up his sleeves like a madman and told everyone in the studio, “let’s pump some stocks!”

The crew immediately went back to work.  “We were all so energized by Jim’s statement,” a crew member stated.  “We all took turns pressing the BOOYHA button several times and even rubbed Jim’s head for good luck.”

But deep-down Jim felt it.  He was a worn-down old man with a head of hair long gone.  He knew his day of pumping stocks was coming to an end.  He was like a solider fighting the good fight – the last fight.  It was time to give it his all.  Jim spoke up to his crew in a commanding general like voice, “let’s pump the U.S. shale industry guys.” 

The crew started chanting, “Cramer, Cramer, Cramer!”  Jim felt like a God.  He knew his crew would give it his all.  But in the back of his mind he knew it was fruitless.  U.S. energy stocks are screwed.

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