Kodak In Talks To Buy TikTok’s U.S. Business (Parody)

0

Growing increasingly desperate due to a falling stock price and broken business model, Kodak floated the idea of buying TikTok’s U.S. business.  “Our KodkaCoin didn’t work and it’s looking like our COVID-19 pump and dump isn’t going to work either,” an executive for Kodak stated.

Kodak, known for selling camera film skyrocketed earlier this year on news of a $765 million loan.  The stock price soared from under $2 dollars per share to over $60.  Since then the stock has floated around $8 per share.

Interestingly, a few days before the announcement trading activity for Kodak increased exponentially a day before the loan announcement.  In addition, the timing of 1.75 million shares of stock options to Jim Continenza, the executive chairman, one day before the loan went public.  Gains to Continenza amounted to over $83 million in a weeks time period.

Despite the rapid rise in the stock, the valuation has begun to soften and the stock has crashed.  To offset a declining stock price, Kodak executives begun to float the possibility of buying TikTok’s U.S. business.

“Three time’s a charm is what they say,” an executive for Kodak stated.  “When bitcoin was popular we released our KodakCoin.  Then a COVID cure was popular so we capitalized on that.  Now buying TikTok is the next hot thing.  Our executives would also like to make a few million and buy a second beach houses insider trading, I mean creating shareholder value.”

Kodka expects to make several announcements over a potential TikTok deal in the near term.  Shares will go up 100-fold and insiders will cash out on unsuspecting retail morons.  No deal will ever be made.



Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.