Oilfield Mortality Rates Spike As Bankers Take Over Assets

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As Reuters reported in early April, many banks have begun to seize assets from failed upstream oil and gas borrowers. It has not gone as well as expected, as both recordable incident and mortality rates are on the rise.

Over the weekend, an entire banking team from Wells Fargo perished on a drilling site in West Texas. Chadwick Featherbottom, Managing Director turned Company Man, tried to ‘Paper Over’ drilling fluid losses by extending mud ‘maturities’. Clearly, his team of junior bankers were not prepared for the ensuing blowout. The Patagonia vests worn by the junior bankers/rig hands were not sufficient PPE and instead combusted immediately.

In another mishap, a falling string of casing fell to the rig floor onto a JP Morgan marketer’s foot, piercing through the gentleman’s genuine Italian loafers. He eventually succumbed to intense blood loss. Identifying the deceased took longer than normal as the only form of identification were his red-stitched initials on the cuffs.

Throughout the oilfield, stories like this are coming to light as bankers were apparently not prepared for a life in the field. A spokesman for Bank of America commented, “We are very concerned that these ‘mistakes’ may cause a re-rate in our energy portfolio and hope that our regulatory capital charges do not increase.”

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