Peloton Baby

Peloton is facing a wave of controversy in the past week, the company was forced to recall all their treadmills due to safety concerns as babies can easily get sucked underneath. This news sent the stock tumbling after its already poor performance, Peloton is down over 40% in the past 3 months alone.

Peloton CEO John Foley said, “We apologize for the inconvenience we are sending out a new Peloton model that is elevated 3 feet off the ground so your dumbass baby doesn’t commit suicide via treadmill. It pains me my company is gonna lose out on millions because parents can’t teach their kids self control but it is what it is.”