Pharmaceutical Industry: If OPEC can collude, why can’t we?

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Washington – Pharmaceutical executives rallied in the streets of D.C. today displaying outrage at the recent The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (“OPEC”) meeting.  “It’s just not fair,” David Johnson, Chairman of the Pharmaceutical Drugs of America said.  “If OPEC can collude, why can’t we?”

OPEC is the infamous organization that colludes on where the price of oil should trade.  Member countries include and are not limited to Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, United Arab Emirates, and Venezuela.  OPEC has made national news this month with their attempt at decreasing production in order to increase prices.

The Pharmaceutical industry is outraged at the collusion going on with OPEC.  The top members of the Pharmaceutical Drugs of America have gathered in the streets of Washington D.C. to protest the collusion.  Chants can be heard miles away:

“IF OPEC CAN COLLUDE SO CAN WE!”

“IF OPEC CAN COLLUDE SO CAN WE!”

“IF OPEC CAN COLLUDE SO CAN WE!”

“All we want is the ability to collude on prices so we can make more money,” Rebecca Shrute, CEO of Moclear Phama stated.  “Look, if we had the ability to collude on pricing, we could make our shareholders a fortune.”

Rumors have spread that hero of capitalism Martin Shkreli is behind the organization and protest.  Martin Shkreli is being held prisoner for heroically raising the price of an HIV medicine he bought by 6,900%.  Shkreli is the poster child of free market capitalism – a hero in recent Disney movie, Frozen Three: Shkreli Please Let It Go.

“We don’t plan to stop protesting until the entire pharma industry is allowed to collude on pricing,” a spokesman for the Pharma group stated.  “If we have to, we will stop the production of lifesaving medicine to show these dirty politicians we mean business.”

In other news, Timmy, 9, lemonade stand entrepreneur, was arrested with conspiracy of collusion on lemonade prices.  Timmy has been selling lemonade at his stand outside of his home in Denton, Texas for the past three summers. 

“Timmy was arrested for colluding with an undercover agent,” a police officer spoke.   

Little Timmy faces 25 to life with no possibility of parole.

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