Portnoy natural gas

After seeing the news that Buffett, Oracle of Nursing Homes, purchased Dominion Energy’s natural gas storage for $10 Billion, day trading legend Dave Portnoy felt compelled to act.

And how could the leader of Davey Day Trader Global Global, aka the Wolf of Nantucket, let old Warren upstage him? After putting the big brain to work, Dave decided he had one option. To unleash his unlimited wealth and hoard of unemployed day traders on the world of natural gas.

After asking around Twitter and local dog racing tracks how to transact futures, Portnoy finally was connected with renowned commodities trader James Cordier of optionsellers.com.

With Mr. Cordier’s expertise in guiding investment ships and looking out for rogue waves, Portnoy went all in shorting natural gas futures in an attempt to make Buffett’s latest purchase worth less than a SEC indictment.

Unfortunately for El Presidente, as soon as Dave put on his rage trade, mother nature had her way with him. Weather models showed an imminent threat of record heat. This forced the head of the National Weather Service, Greta Thunberg, to issue a severe heat alert. Gas futures exploded 25% higher on the news, leaving Portnoy wiped out.

While Dave could not be reached for official comment, he seemed to be in good spirits after being spotted enjoying a slice at Maroni’s Pizza House, where he now works full time as a delivery boy.

Written by Simple Jack Capital