News out of the White House this week. President Biden announced that in an effort to be inclusive to what he described as, “different viewpoints” he has named Brooklyn Nets point-guard, Kyrie Irving, his administration’s COVID-19 Taskforce.
Reportedly, longstanding members of the taskforce weren’t thrilled with the addition of the—at times—mercurial superstar.
According to one source, a senior staffer, the committee sees Irving’s appointment as “An absolute joke… Something you simply could not make up.”
He continued on angrily, citing the years of schooling, independent research, and professional experience that he—and other members of the taskforce—have done over the years, only to “have this flat earth, un jabbed, moron brought in to do ‘research.’ Research what?!” He exclaimed incredulously.
Irving’s presence immediately changed the dynamic of the group’s weekly meeting—and other members complained that they could barely see his face as a result of the sage he was burning to “Clean up the vibes.”
Things only worsened after Kyrie began to outline his research plan, which according to our source, allocated two hours per day to watching YouTube videos and one hour each for Twitter and Instagram respectively.
“There is a method to the madness,” Irving told the veterans of the committee, “And the method, like the solution—is in the memes. You can learn a lot by opening your mind to the memes.”