Royal Dutch Shell ESG

Royal Dutch Shell CEO Ben Van Beurden announced today that Shell will be starting up “Operation Clam Slam”. This new program will be to destroy all the old dirty dividend boomers from the shares to go for the more conscious ESG millennial investors. This will be a three stage plan starting soon to help Shell nose dive the company to not be able to offer dividends anymore, thus getting rid of boomer money.

The first stage of this plan will be to divest from oil and gas money making projects to more environmentally clean projects which have no hope of making a break even.

Shell recently watching BP spend $1.1 billion dollars for a 50% stake in a wind farm lease, knows it will have to bring the big dollars to the table to get prime time headlines for their carbon neutral projects.

Van Beurden says “It’s more about having the headlines of doing good for the planet these days, instead of having a good 10-Q for the millennials.” He hopes to be generating a whole mass of headlines promoting new carbon neutral projects.

The second stage will tie back into the first one. Once enough capital is burned investing in carbon neutral projects, and not making money as usual on legacy Oil and Gas assets, the only thing we will be able to do is cut the dividend to zero.

This will for sure upset the boomer investors. They are just concerned about passive incomes, and growing dividends. Shell is aiming to destroy dividends, to get rid of the aging boomers, who are doing nothing for corporate headlines.

The last stage is going to be changing the name of the company from Royal Dutch Shell to Yolo ITM Fomo Shell (YIMS). Following in the footsteps of their Norwegian peer Equinor which used to be Statoil.

We bet you didn’t remember their old name readers, eh? Royal Dutch Shell thinks that the YIMS name will attract savvy young investors to help invest in the company. Shell is saying this transition will take about 69 months to carry out “Operation Clam Slam” to its completion.