Tesla Fights California: ‘We plan to start making diesel guzzling monster trucks’


California – In a recent 8-K filed with the Securities Exchange Commission (“SEC”) Tesla, Inc. (“TSLA”), the electric car manufacturer headquartered in Palo Alto, California stated how the company plans to restructure the entire business model and to immediately start producing diesel powered trucks. 

Tesla will not make electric cars anymore,” Elon Musk, Founder and CEO stated in the 8-K.  “Tesla will change its focus to building the biggest and meanest diesel guzzling trucks out there.  Each one of these trucks will have less than one mile per gallon and spit out the most CO2 the world has ever seen.”

The complete change in Tesla’s business model is speculated to come directly from the heated Twitter debate Elon had this past weekend.  This past weekend Elon threatened to move Tesla’s headquarters and manufacturing factories from California, to Nevada and Texas.  The threat stemmed from the fact that Alameda county doesn’t think Tesla should open its factory until June 1st.

“The news in this 8-K that Tesla is changing its business model from an electric car company to a company focused on building diesel guzzling trucks is a direct attack at California,” a representative from Alameda county stated.  “California is totally liberal and against diesel guzzling trucks.  This is going to be bigger than that 1992 Los Angeles riot.”

“Tesla’s new diesel guzzling trucks will look similar to Grave Digger, the monster truck, and spit the equivalent amount of CO2 in the air per hour as the BP Oil Spill,” Elon Musk stated.  “We plan to call these trucks the ‘Yee Yee Plastic Straw Turtle Killers’.”

Tesla’s share price fell sharply after the 8-K was filed.

“Tesla will now be highly profitable making traditional trucks,” Goldman Analyst Steven Tyler stated.  “Retail investors don’t want a profitable car company.  Retail investors want pie in the sky valuations of a company that will never make money.”

Success! You're on the list.