The VIX

U.S. – Amidst the backdrop of a political election, the VIX is reported to have a 90% chance of wining the Presidency.  “I didn’t feel like voting for the party of the old white guy this year,” Matthew Stephens, 34, stated.  “Every four years we either get to choose between a white old man with dementia or another white old man with sexual abuse allegations against him.  This year I decided I would vote for the VIX.”

According to Wikipedia (super reliable source) the VIX is:

VIX is the ticker symbol and the popular name for the Chicago Board Options Exchange‘s CBOE Volatility Index, a popular measure of the stock market‘s expectation of volatility based on S&P 500 index options. It is calculated and disseminated on a real-time basis by the CBOE, and is often referred to as the fear index or fear gauge.

As silly as it seems, experts agree that the VIX has a solid chance of winning the presidency.  “Take a look around.  Local businesses are boarding up their buildings.  People are not going to work.  And everyone is wearing gas masks.  There is a 90% chance the VIX wins the Presidency,” Edward Johnson, economist stated.

“I had no idea who I would vote for so I decided to vote for the VIX this year,” Karen, a local Christian woman stated.  “Who was I supposed to vote for?  The man with the son who can’t stop wanking or the other man who screwed up COVID-19?”



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