Vlad SEC

Visibly frustrated that the SEC can restrict trading whenever it wants, Vlad Tenev, CEO of Robinhood stated, “All of that power in one button. Could you even imagine the damage I could do to those idiot retail investors.”

On Friday afternoon the SEC restricted trading on fifteen securities. “We have decided that retail investors are not smart enough to make coherent decisions on their own. Because of this, we will now be restricting every stock that is mentioned on any social media platform. In addition, we will be letting the hedge funds know 30 days before hand so they can executive massive short positions in these securities and front run the common man.”

Drooling with greed Vlad stated, “Robinhood will be doing everything in its power to get access that the SEC has in restricting securities. The one who controls the ability to trade a stock, controls the world.”

In other news, several retail investors were seen taking massive “fresh” dumps on a wounded short seller. When asked why they were defecating on a short seller they replied, “lol short seller dumb.”