Wealth Management Super Star Fired after Taking PPP Loan

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poor, no money, purse, empty wallet, wallet
Image by Andrew Khoroshavin from Pixabay

Sources have confirmed that after reading breaking news from The Stonk Market yesterday, Big Barry (“Big Time Boss”) had no clue that his CEO Josh White (“Uptown White”) had taken a PPP loan to keep paying staff and to fund continuing operations. Apparently Ritz Cracker Management has been debating to part ways with Uptown White after the stunning discovery of a “bailout”.

Sources also revealed that Big Barry had hired a private investigator to follow Josh White’s movements during his daily 8 hour lunch breaks when Josh claimed he was meeting with prospects and potential clients, when in fact he was dining at 3 star Michelin restaurants and ordering the equivalent of 7 lunches just for himself on the company credit card.

Reached for comment, the owners Will Guidara and Daniel Humm stated “we had to shut down due to the COVID-19 crisis, but now we may not reopen because Josh White was our best customer and would eat “a baker’s dozen” lunches just by himself. The owners recounted once when Josh White ate the entirety of the contents on the restaurant cheese trolley just by himself! Apparently Josh “didn’t miss many meals” especially when they were free and on the company tab.

The next move will be made by Big Barry, but Ritz Cracker Management is a shrewd operator and realizes the possibility that one of the last remaining idiots who still watches CNBC, may possibly think Josh is smart and give his firm business. A truly ugly and unfortunate scene and stain on the investment community at large.



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