Will Meade Shorts Bitcoin, Dies

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Still dumbfounded from the unprecedented rise of Dave Portnoy, Will Meade attempted to short bitcoin this afternoon and ended up dying.

“It’s truly remarkable the extent Meade would go to  brandish the reputation of Portnoy,” Ramp Capital, the CEO of FinTwit stated.  “With the magnificent rise of Portnoy into stardom among retail investors, Meade officially crashed into a psychological meltdown.”

According to Meade’s therapist, Meade began having nightmares of Portnoy’s green hammer crashing done onto his thick skull.  Meade would wake up from night terrors, shaking and screaming, then to only check his Twitter finding more of his followers left him for Portnoy.

“I’ve never met someone so compulsively obsessed with another man,” Meade’s therapist explained.  “Meade’s obsession to Portnoy was nothing like I have ever seen.”

Meade’s therapist further explained how Will had an entire room in his two bedroom trailer dedicated solely for hanging pictures of Portnoy up. “He had over 10,000 pictures of Portnoy hanging up in this small room,” the therapist exclaimed.

When things looked like they couldn’t get worse, Portnoy went long bitcoin.  The day Portnoy went long bitcoin was when Meade hit rock bottom.

“Meade called me and said he was going to put his entire net worth of $25,000 into a bitcoin short,” his therapist said. “I knew he hit rock bottom after that.  He was trying to front run Portnoy and I knew he was going to lose.”

A second after Meade shorted bitcoin, Portnoy dropped his nuts on the table.

“Meade lost his entire $25,000 in seconds,” an expert bitcoin trader stated.  “The second Meade went short, Portnoy hit a bid shooting bitcoin up a few basis points.  Meade was gonzo.”

According to sources, after losing his fortune Meade was knocked out by a flying green hammer and pecked to death by chickens.  “An absolutely horrifying and such a pathetic death,” the coroner stated.



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